listening to sigur ros:: hjartad hamast

hehe... ya neu, it's very promise ring influenced... only less gender ambiguous due to the use of female pronouns. by the way... hope the cat is ok.

current ego = N/A just woke up

the main things to accomplish today... submit resume to act-1, and get tickets for the tortoise show... i keep calling it the nobukazu show. same thing though. i'm glad that by the time that show is coming, i'll have enough money to buy some t shirts! yay... i really need some.

dot... commers... i get it! that's really funny... ASS! that one is for neu. this blog is starting to sound like a chat huh? i wonder how long the simpsons are gonna last? that show is still funny. which is impressive. the only other show like that was news radio... and that one went into syndication. no... i don't watch tv or anything.

it's "buddhism". I think.

are you in the promise ring now? I think you should sing like zorak. "space ghooooooooooost"

i am happy to be making money. now i can pay allison's and my mother's bills! and the cat is sick. he has worms and may die from the treatment.

oh well. I am lula divinia today. can't keep focused on anything - shit this is a good time for booze as it will rain tonight and it's friday.

listening to Oval :: commers.

i hear the next was is supposed to be called "dot" - oh Mr. Popp you are a funny one.

xoxo
neu

listening to engine down:: deadletter

ok,,, just read those "lyrics" again... they suck! what was i thinking? funny, how pride can just turn on you. *yawn... time to sleep.

listening to nicola conte:: trappola mortale

current ego= 10% cuz i should be asleep

don't know where this came from, but i felt like writing a lyrical poem... for an emo song? i don't even make any emo music. weird. i thought they're kind of catchy. they draw on experience, or the atmosphere i remember with my psycho-bitch ex-girlfriend from back in the day (although more off of the good memories, serene surroundings), and off the fact that i'm pondering life without friends in a far off place. not sure if i should seal it with a title... or at least, not sure of what a good title would be. if anyone reads this, then let me know what you think ( bdsound@hotmail.com ), or maybe a band would like to use the lyrics. since i posted them here first, technically i can prove that i am the writer so, the copyright belongs to me biznatch! email me (in the off chance that an emo band member reads this and likes the lyrics) and i'll give an 'ok' to use these "lyrics". such a big deal, right? here's the @%@$^#$ lyrics:

recall the age of hurt years.
it's all there
on my shoulder her tears,
memories in a box i saved.

it's morning
outside her door,
as cars go by...
between linen lines
sheets cover the window.
did you know?
it was better this time.

i'll ask ya, alaska--
beleived you'd remember.
in juno, did you know?
call me
next december.

olive in the sunset air
i'll live north of it all
my old haunts and dives
old haunts and dives...goodbye.


what do you think? is that not emo? geographic references, word play, and plain/simple yet poetic scenery. i'm happy with it. go me!

listening to milemarker & capp 'n jazz:: the sands've turned

current ego= 70%

i've been doing ok lately. lots of drastic changes in the midst... possibly going to move to boston... the exact opposite direction i was thinking of, but also the original direction i was thinking. hmmmm... if friends become a hinderance then they are no longer your friends. this is something i came up with a long time ago, and it has held true for a long time. i've thought and thought about my situation and my problems and why i feel stuck. i don't want to let go of my friends. i think that's why i don't let myself move. i remember giving up my friends without moving away, and it was tough and lonely. eventually i made friends on my own terms, and they're all cool. no one trying to impress anyone else, no one you can't tell anything to... no one "two faced" or "saving face" or even wearing a face... just exactly who they are with nothing to hide, completely honest friends that i'm comfortable doing nothing around. josh once questioned my view on friends... said that he thinks we're the most valuable things. i think in the end he's right... and i don't want to move on with life because of it. i can sit here and psycho analyze and make links to my childhood and parents' divorce and relationships, and then i can step back and psycho analyze why i need to psycho analyze it all anyway... in the end i'll have to question why the solution i come up with makes me feel secure. so complicated eh? i always thought i could just drop everything and eveyone, in keeping with my nomadic-i-won't-settle view on life. my desire to remain here is contrary to those beliefs. therefore, it is a force against my ego. it's slow death-- i will move, drop my dependance on friends. am i cold? yes, i am a very cold person. then again i don't have to "lose" my friends. i keep in touch with nick. and he hasn't lived here for 3 years. and when we finally hang out, it's like we've been best friends the whole time. this all sounds very sentimental right? we all need to move on.

tonight i was on napster, looking for the things on my list. napster sucks! 289 users? is that all??? i remember 11,000 users and 193,310 gigs shared. sigh... i thought this would filter out the mtv / radio losers, and become some kind of bastion for those of us with more... obscure taste? good taste. oh well, something else will come along. i've reconsiderred living with mom again... for one reason: she offered free living. if i moved to boston, free room and board, and used the public transportation there (and it is good), no car, insurance, or gas costs... i would easily pay off all debt, and even save up for some certifications. robokoneko wouldn't be robokoneko anymore, but then again... it's still sort of me=robokoneko, jason=numera. we haven't collaborated on much anything i can remember. i think it's because i don't actually know how to play an instrument. i just try to make songs. jason says that doesn't matter, but it does. we could never "jam" cuz i would be there trying to figure out how to play a single part and jason could flow from one part to another. which i know isn't some huge accomplishment for musicians (otherwise they'd all be in high demand or easily sell there music)... but to me, it's incredible. i watch painters, sculptors, pen/ink/lead artists, graphic artists, any visual artist-- i'm never really really impressed, cuz it doesn't seem at all out of my reach. but music is something beyond me, and so it's a new experience to attempt to make it. i'm actually "learning" again, instead of building off of what i already know. there are similarities in all creative endeavors, but they're abstract. hmmmm... stuck because of "desire"... there's a religion that comments on that... buddhism? ya, i think it's budhism (spelling?), cuz hinduism sucks! ya,,, just try and bomb me you hindu losers! viva la anonymity! haha. actually i saw a documentary on budhism once, and it sounds less like a religion and more like a science. peace...

listening to freescha:: kids fill the floor

current ego: 70% respectable

this is one sorry ass blog

done but with errors on page? who cares! i have my archives back! yay!

listening to robokoneko:: warm air on cool spaces

oh ya... ego report

current ego= 40%

maybe i'm being to harsh on myself with the ego rating, but it's true. i had a very weird experience today. i went to drop off a cd at a girl's apartment. in and of itself there is nothing weird about this, but i had just met the girl online the night before and she asked and i agreed and so i dropped it off. i am now convinced that i am thoroughly socially inept. i didn't know what to do past handing her the cd. i thought maye the situation would offer a point of conversation or that i would think of something to say other than "here's your cd"... but i really couldn't. i don't know anything about that person. she looked nice... which made me all self conscious cuz i'm breaking out lately. and she offerred to hang out sometime... call her. i really suck at these things. i always told my self i would never meet anyone i met online. and i had a damn good track record. i think i over analyzed it anyway. i went there to drop of the cd. i dropped off the cd... it was nice thing to do. she smiled and said thank you... i smiled and said it was no problem... and left. she had a cat though... a few of them... and cats have a power over me. i get all excited and girly around cats, cuz they're just too damn cute and prescious. see what i mean. i try to strategically place balances in my life to counter the manly testosterone. for instance, i like fashion, and cute things.... like hello kitty. and in some little way this works to balance the scale. *yawn... the songwriting is going well lately. i don't finish any songs... instead i see how far i can get with a song until i'm all tapped out, then i start a new one. i'm getting further and further each time, pretty soon i'll be able to finish one and actually be satisfied with it (i hope). unfortunately i find that i still can't just think of a simple melody and translate it into notes. so i'm not in control of the songs at all... this is interesting, but it doesn't come from my ego, like visual art does... so in that sense i'm not comfortable... it's like it exists outside of my intentions, which would be ok if it weren't for the fact that as the artist, i'm trying to materialize a thought. sure, there's art where the artist intentionally tries to remove themself from the peice, but ultimately they cannot, because it was their idea to do so. good night ppl*

listening to the breifing room:: said and done

ok... so i don't trust blogger one bit. therefore i'm writing this first in wordpad then copying and pasting this over.

a few nights ago i was low on money and i was going to buy some beer, but then i passed the omni theatre in th fort worth museum of natural science. there was a film on the mysteries of egypt. a couple nights later i went again to see the peice on amazing caves. kind of elementry stuff they discuss, but i can't complain. i think i enjoyed it more than i would the beer. besides i got some money later in the week and proceeded to concoct a personal movie night.

1. 10 pack of guiness
2. 6 pack of harp
3. qaurt sized beer mug
4. poetic foreign flick (marobosi)
5. senseless hong kong action flick (royal warriors)
6. some triscuits

yes, yes, yes... just more comformation about how dull life is for me lately. i did manage to catch a red animal war show. i still think justin's vocals suck (he even sounded like wesley willis in a couple of songs). brian on the other hand is writing some really catchy baselines-- a little funky. they're veering closer to their punk roots though. that's good cuz justin won't have to harmonize. on their new album, justin had to have his voice "retouched" in the mix down process hahaha... loser. i'm pretty harsh on red animal war. maybe i shouldn't be, cuz they're an "emo" ish band in the dallas/fort worth area, and that's a rarity. maybe they'll influence some more ppl and this stupid "dallas rock" scene will finally go away. dallas (culturally) is about 7 years behind all the other major metropolitan areas in the U.S. have i already written about this? i think i have.

ok... so today's bitching: ETHNIC PRIDE. it sucks that i have to write this again. especially since i already vented all of this out a few days ago and @#%$@#$ blogger @#%^ up my blog! anyhow... latin pride! black power! white supremacy! azian pryde! etc!... these are all the same stupid mentality that somehow spread itself across each ethnicity. i can't understand how anyone could take pride in their ethnicity. you aren't what other people accomplished-- same race or no. all a person IS... is the summation of their experiences and memories. nothing more nothing less. and yet the stupidity spreads and expands each day. what is really really moronic about the whole thing, is that a person can't choose or achieve "ethnicity"... it's just a factor of birth... like eye color, blood type, baldness, whatever. i can understand taking pride in something you accomplish, but not this. it's just a separatist force. and that's an evil. i consider anything that hinders advancement to be evil: overpopulation, fossil fuels, weekends, 9-5 work day, 50 different states, cars, religion, family... it all has to go... or at least change in some drastic ways.

i'm going to finally sit down and write up my own government. start with an island... let's say a reasonable 160,000 sq miles (argh!) i mean 200,000 sq. kilometers (standard english system is OUT!). and ummm... a small population of about 800,000 ppl. 40% male 60% female. no marriage allowed. no religion allowed either. 24 hour cities, work shifts spread out... all businesses and services run 24/7. no weekends... instead, 5 hour workdays. no time zones, we run on military zulu time. no daylight savings crap either. has anyone read 1984? that's what daylight savings sounds like to me. ummmm... no gas stations! no gas! all wind power and ummm... solar power... and ummm... well, did i mention that schooling is 24/7 as well... everyone learns at their own pace at anytime of the day... and college is free, education is federally funded and teachers make very very very good money. all schools are linked to each other. there is NO censorship of anything. instead, people are logical and it wouldn't make sense to overthrow the government. one of the big problems is finding 800,000 thousand ppl with the same ideals. i think one important thing to note is that in 20 years, i think protein folding and possibly nanotechnology will be a reality (i'm such a dork)... but i also think religion will still be an influential power in the countries that develop these technologies and it will hinder them from being fully developed or used. so let's say that you can live forever cuz of technology and your body would not wither (thanks to high fidelity cell reproduction). first thing is first, you live forever, then you cannot have children (over population). luckily since this society is already so smart, they can calculate how many children the island can support and that avg. estimate is made publically available. potential couples would have to get approval from a parenting board before conception would be allowed. afterall, the parents should be able to support the child financially, physically, and psychologically. ummm... also there is no credit... the monetary system will have to be a blend of paper and electronic money, cuz there really is no completely safe electronic method. also, all money can be accounted for at the end of the day... who has the money will not be known but if 1 billion is in circulation than 1.0001 billion would not be a reality... we would know something is up. this society is very adaptable, and very very very creative and scientific. hmmm... i'm going to have to consider a lot! like capital punishment. we would develop dna printing. if someone were to murder another person, then some punishments could be life under surveilance... life in prison... or maybe just deportation, if another country wants them... afterall our citizens are really smart and in demand. ummm... abortion would be as easy to get as a regular check up and it would be pretty normal too. i don't think anyone would really have a problem with this, cuz we would all be logical ppl and there is no religion in this country. public transportation would be everywhere. and airships like the old zepplins would be available as well ( i saw a documentary on the modern airship... i was impressed. eventually genetics will be an established science... so a lot of the health issues will be "repairable". we'll be able to offer a world commodity that will be in demand... new technology, and research. we can trade these with the U.S. in exchange for military equipment and systems (we would need to protect ourselves). or perhaps we would have a U.S. base there... america loves having it's dick in everyone's mashed potatoes afterall.... this is boring, isn't ? i think too much.

you know... i had a really long update for this blog, then i tried to publish it and "blogger is experiencing technical difficulties"... grrrrr... should have copied and pasted it first! *sigh... i'll try again later